eBay Records The Highest Bid Ever Made On Its Site

eBay recently recorded the highest bid ever made on their site: a whopping 32 million dollars! The item being bid on was Dirk Diggler's prosthetic wang, as seen in the film Boogie Nights. Who could possibly afford to pay 32 million dollars for a fake wiener? Microsoft C.E.O. Bill Gates, that's who.

Bill Gates seemed very enthusiastic, to say the least, after picking up the wiener. It was presented by the actor who played Dirk Diggler, Mark Wahlberg. Mark described the situation as being altogether strange, "I was hanging in my studio recording my new C.D. for Marky Mark And The Funky Bunch, and the creative juices were really flowing. But that's when my session was interrupted by a phone call from eBay. eBay asked me to take part in the presentation of the enormous wang enhancement that I donned in Boogie Nights. That really brought on some memories for me.

They told me there would be cake and punch. I couldn't pass up cake and punch, and I was looking forward to seeing ol' floppy again. When I got there, there was no cake or punch in site. Even worse, Bill started going really loco when I handed him the aforementioned wang. He started giggling with glee, and waving it around like it was the friggin' American flag. He ran off, his laughter echoing down the halls. I don't know what was wrong with him."

MADHOUSE contacted Bill Gates, and arranged to meet with him to discuss his recent purchase. When we sat down, he kept asking if there was something different about him. We said "yes," to get Bill to stop showing off. Then Bill started discussing his purchase, "I was watching Boogie Nights with Melinda, and she seemed quite impressed with the size of Dirk Diggler's endowment. I knew, at that moment, that I had to own it [the schlong]. When I saw it on eBay, it was mind-boggling. A bidding war broke out between me and Ross Perot, but I got it when I bid at the last second. Eat that Perot! Not only am I the richest man in America, but I'm also the biggest. Bow to my superiority. Now if only I could learn to pee with this thing on..."

Congratulations, Bill, on your big purchase. Ha ha ha...sorry...

ED - All Content 2000.