What's Happening To Our Frogs?

Local Scientists were shocked to discover the latest development in the rash of frog mutations that have plagued our fair town. Previous mutations (not to be confused with malformations) discovered include frogs with extra limbs, missing eyes, and the good-natured “Rocket-Frog”, but this is the most bizarre mutation to date. The frog in question, which the media (me) have dubbed the “Phallic-Frog” has a torso which resembles the male penis. Theories to explain the “Phallic-frog” range from nuclear ooze to cosmic rays. Prof. Science, madhouse’s resident genius explained; “It is really very simple, the frog’s unusual appearance is beacuse this frog is, in fact, not a “member” of the frog species”. Dr. Frog, the world’s froggiest man and spokesperson for “Pond Pieces” disagrees: “Feelin’ like mealing?™ grab those pieces and get eating!” Dr. frog then grabbed some Pond pieces with his comically long tongue. Disappointed with the professional’s response, this reporter went to the streets to get the publics reaction to the “Phallic-Frog”. Miss Smead, mother of 4, offered this explanation: “ the frog is actually a male penis, which severed itself from it host; a filthy, corrupt, teenage boy, to escape from his torment of constant masturbation. You see, the penis does not like to be attached to sluts, so the Penis develops frog’s legs and escapes back to mother nature to live in peace. And the dirty boy goes blind from the separation process.” She later added: “And all their dead relatives watch.” A young man who wished only to be identified as “Ultra” suggested: “The little dude was just hoppy to see me, m’man!” A man who refused to give his name insisted that the frog was a part of the invasion corps of an alien race known as “Penis Mongers”. The sole purpose of which is do destroy our city and marry our daughters. An artist’s conception of such a marriage is below.

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