Hollywood News Update

By Eric, the "Big E"

Freddy Prinze Jr., son of prestigious actor Freddy Prinze Sr., freaked the shit out of his co-star, Claire Fornali, while he was filming the new movie Boys and Girls. He was talking to her on the phone about serial killers and, after the conversation, he came to her apartment with a butcher knife. She opened the door and fell to the ground with shock. Claire later admitted that the shock wasn't because of the butcher knife, but was due to the realisation that she was co-starring with one of the actors from Wing Commander. Word has it that Freddy has been in trouble as of late, because even overenthusiatic reviewers, like Paul Wunder, have been unable to come up with glowing reviews of his film. Wunder recently said, "I reserve such phrases as 'A pinnacle of film making. A superfatabular rollercoaster ride of thrills, laughter and excitement that will keep you glued to your seat' for such pinaccles of film making as Battlefield Earth. I can't in good conscience give that kind of review to tripe like Boys and Girls." We informed Wunder that "superfatabular" wasn't a real word, but he remained insistent that it was.

Speaking of Battlefield Earth, its revenues jumped to 20 bucks this Saturday. This landmark moment occurred when Phil Thompson, of Nepean, Ontario, mistakingly purchased a ticket for the film. Thompson gave us his story, "They were totally sold out of like every friggin' film at the Colisseum. I was like, 'Shit, this totally fuckin' sucks.' So, I just told them to give me whatever show was coming on at like 7:30. I paid for the ticket, and they gave me one for Battlefield Earth. What the fuck? I don't know when Rastafarians are gonna take over space, but that's gonna totally kick ass! They'll spread island rhythms all around the universe, mon!"

Would the real Slim Shady please stand up? Rapper Eminem remains atop the Billboard 200 chart as The Marshall Mathers' LP has sold nearly 800,000 units for the week ending June 4. Critics say this is due to Eminem's scathing commentary on such edgy subjects as Tommy and Pamela Lee having sex, fast food employees spitting in customers' food, and pop groups being talentless. Whoah, is there anyone he won't take on? Geez, next thing he'll set his targets on Clinton, or Viagra! In related news, Eminem is facing a $10 million defamation lawsuit that was filed by his own mother, because she is charging that he has made negative remarks about his mother during interview, calling her "pill-popping" and "lawsuit-happy." Eminem's lawyers informed her off the irony of suing someone for being called "lawsuit-happy", but she was too high from popping pills to respond.

ED - All Content 2000.