Local Janitor Demands Respect, Mop

"Every damn day I come in to work at 5, cleaning up behind those little pukes. And do I ask for much? No! You wont hear me complaining about barely earning minimum wage. But for once I would like to be treated with a little damn respect." pleads Mike Sanchez, custodian of an area high school. "That and a new damn mop once in a while." Look at this thing... no wonder kids are always laughing behind my back." continued Sanchez, pointing to a comically frayed and tattered mop.

My friend Ahkmed over at the Quickee at least gets one of those new SpillMaster Pros. That's one sweet mop, my friend. A self racheting ringer, with quick release. I'd kill for one of those things. I hear he also doesn't have kids hurling half-eaten sandwiches at him all day, either. That must be nice." Sanchez said in a distant tone, choking back tears. "And it's not like he deserves better, or anything. He keeps spouting crazy stories about the Sahara and slave traders. What a nut."

When we interviewed some of the students at Sanchez's school, we found that his complaints were not unfounded. One student, who we will call Dave, had this to say: "Yeah, sure we insult that janitor, and throw the occasional egg salad sandwich at the guy, but just look at the mop he's carrying. What kind of self respecting janitor would use such dated, inadequate tools? Frankly, I think he's endangering the very cleanliness of our floors. At least that crazy guy at the Quickee's got one of those Spillmasters. To me, that says he's not only crazy, he's also crazy about cleaning."

When reached for comment Ahkmed said only "buy something or get the hell out of my store, you lazy kids. I walked seven days through the Sahara without water, you little bastards."

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