Authorities Agree: Being In A Position Of Authority Kicks Ass

There was a critical high-level meeting at the United Nations last week. After hours of discussion and thoughtful debate, the world's authorities emerged and gave the following speech to the world, speaking in unison:

"Ladies and gentlemen of the world. We have reached an important milestone in the history of leading others today. We stand together and proclaim: being in a position of authority kicks ass."

"We think it's neat that we can tell other people what to do" said Mr. Brian Pond, a representative of the United Nations. "Definately neat. It kicks major ass."

Unfortunately, the announcement decended into anarchy as each member of the United Nations tried to kick another member's ass, resulting in an unrestrained but remarkable display of simultaneous ass-kicking.

Nevertheless, response was swift and supportive. Local teacher Mr. David agreed with the world's authorities, saying that "...even in my limited high-school arena, I can still say having authority kicks ass." Shortly afterwards, he kicked a student's ass for arriving to homeroom late, and then assigned one after-school detention. He smiled the entire time.

Even those who are no longer authorities still remember fondly their days ruling over others.

Ex-Prime-Minister Kim Campbell recalls the day she woke up, "...and it just hit me. I totally kicked ass. Not as much ass-kickage as the President, but a substantial amount of ass was mine for the kicking."

Those who submit to the authority still say that, if they were to have their positions changed, it would kick ass. University student Dave Jason was willing to say, "If I were a dean here, I'd kick everybody's ass." He then bent over and demonstarted how people would receive his ass-kicking. "Like this," he said, "I will kick their ass."

Movie steward Grace Tucker remarked that "Even with my limited amount of authority, I still find many opportunities to kick the ass of others. The problem is, I often find myself in a position where my own ass is the one being kicked." Tucker then demonstrated by kicking her own ass.

President Clinton stood in the lawn of the White House and proclaimed that "All asses are mine for the kicking!" before raising his arms and kicking a member of the press in the ass. The man, 37 year old Peter Neville, remarked that he had never had his ass kicked quite like that before. "It was a uniquly unexpected ass-kicking, that's true."

RN - All Content 2000.