Do Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Work?

By Eric, The Big "E"

Have you ever walked up to a hot looking, gorgeous girl and asked for her number? Did she respond by giving you a vasectomy with her foot? You're not alone, pal. That's why the "Big E" is going to go to the trouble of trying out some pick-up lines, and we're going to determine which ones are the most effective at declothing the hot mamas. Yowza! Yowza!! The site of this test is going to be the Carlingwood Mall. Let's see how this goes...

Well, I'm here at the Carlingwood Mall, and it looks like there's no one at the entrance but some seniors. That doesn't seem to be stopping one guy. Ewww!! Teaches me for showing up on a weekday.

I've arrived at the food court. This is where all the sexy ladies chill. I'm going to serve them lovin' that is! Hiyoo!!!

I'll try my first line at the New York Fries. I'll tell you what happened when I return...

Line #1: Guy:"Did it hurt?"
Guy:"When you fell from heaven."

Reaction: Me:"Did it hurt?"
Me:"When you fell from heaven."
Cashier:"Not as much as when I hurl this grease on your face, but I see God beat me to it. Now, are you going to order something?"
Me:"Does this mean we're not going to make out?"

Not too great, eh? Oh well, maybe my next line will work.

Whoah boy! There's this girl at the lotto center who looks smokin'! Maybe this next pick-up line will be my ticket. I know it's a gamble, but I bet it will work. I can hardly wait...

Line #2:Guy:"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"

Reaction: Me:"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"
Girl:"Oh would you walk by again, please?"
Me:"Ok, sure. Why?"
Girl:"So I can jam my foot up your ass."
Me:"Man, you're pretty aggressive. I bet you're a killer in the sack. So wanna have sex?"
Girl:"I'd rather poke my eyes out."
Me:"I'll take that as a maybe."

That didn't work out too well. I'm starting to doubt that any of these lines will work.

I'll give it one last try before I head home. Oh man, this line is a classic. Guaranteed to get some with this baby. Oh yeahhhhh! Wait a second... There's one!

Line #3:Guy:"Is it hot in here, or is it just you?"

Reaction: Me:"Is it hot in here, or is it just you?"
Girl:"That is the nicest compliment anyone has ever given me! Do you want to go back to my place and have passionate sex?"

Wow! Did that line work or what? I was extremely fatigued when I wrote this article because I had hours of hot sex. You gotta love hot sex. It even beats Snapple.

In conclusion, keep flinging those pick-up lines. They're bound to work sometime.

(Note: The previous account was a true story, and Eric, the "Big E", did enjoy a mind-boggling sexual encounter with a beautiful woman.)

ED - All Content 2000.