My Mail Lady Is The Best

By Eric, The Big "E"

I'd just like to take a moment right now to thank my mail lady for being as great as she is. She definitely deserves a round of applause for all the good work that she does. Now, other people may think that their mail person is the best, and that no one can hold a candle to them. Well, let me tell you, you're full of crap. Okay, okay, so maybe you need some convincing. I can completely see where you're coming from, so I'm gonna tell you a couple of reasons why my mail lady is the best.

A lot of women feel the need to establish themselves as womanly, perhaps by wearing womanly clothes, or applying makeup. But my mail lady is way different. She doesn't feel the need to wear any types of clothes that are gender specific, nor does she feel the need to devote herself to hygenic practices, such as bathing and regularly brushing. I like my mail lady because she is so different. She goes her own way. And to show she has not forgot the past, she sports a haircut not unlike those worn by eighties metal bands. She has recently received mail from Poison, praising her for not abandoning a hair style that was long thought dead.

Do you get your mail at a regular, reasonable time? Doesn't it get a little dull after a while, you know, walking up to your mailbox at a reasonable time and expecting that your mail will by there? That's another thing that's great about my mail lady. She never ever delivers the mail at a consistent time. Sometimes I get the mail at 9:00 p.m., sometimes 11:00 p.m., hell, sometimes I even get it the next day with the actual mail for that day. Going to my mail box is always an adventure! And sometimes she plays these cool little scavenger hunting games with me, where she misses the mail box almost completely, and half of my mail ends up scattered on my lawn. Then I have to walk around looking for it, which gets me a lot of fun and physical exercise. Did I mention that my lawn is completely covered in 3 foot tall weeds? That just adds another dimension to the fun.

After seeing the reasons why my mail lady is the greatest, I'm sure you'll agree that, without a doubt, my mail lady is the absolutely greatest. But don't worry, cause maybe you'll get in on the fun someday if she takes over you're route. Wouldn't that be totally awesome?!? I can almost sense your excitement from way over here.

ED - All Content 2000.