Mario, Sonic, Crash Unite
Against Pokémon

Overcoming old grudges for a common goal, longtime rivals Super Mario, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Crash Bandicoot came together yesterday at a press conference to speak out against the Pokémon.

"Mama mia!" Super Mario exclaimed. "People are so obsessed with de Pookémon, they forget-a about-a meee, Maaario!"

Sonic and Crash agreed. "It's about coming together to fight a common enemy. The Pokémon have insidiously taken over the gaming market. Young children are growing up warped on their Pokémon ways, and forgetting about what's true and right in the world. We used to teach that to them, but now, they won't even listen to us." Sonic said. Crash added "It's like we don't even matter anymore, they're so obsessed. Just yesterday I stood outside an elementary school and shouted for children to come out and play with me, but nobody came. I waved my arms and dared them to come join me, but they were too scared," he said, giving a sidelong glance at Mario.

In a surprise move, Pac-Man stood up from the press gallery and added his voice of support. "I know things have never been tight between us, but I think you're right on the ball when it comes to the Pokémon. They must be defeated. I'll help you guys any way I can."

This sparked a tidal wave of support from video-game characters pushed to the wayside by the Pokémon menace. Q-Bert, Hard-Hat Mack, Donkey Kong and two Bad Dudes all announced their support. "I'm a bad enough dude to get those Pokémon!" one Bad Dude announced. Q-Bert added a battle-cry of "$@%!", after which Donkey Kong vowed to throw the Pokémon like so many pixelated red barrels.

Mario wiped a tear from his eye upon seeing his old sparring partner taking up the torch. "Donkey Kong, you-a one-a good-a monkey."

When questioned on the specifics of their attack on the Pokémon, the united forces of Mario, Sonic, Crash, Donkey Kong, Q-Bert, Hard-Hat Mack, Pac-Man, and the two Bad Dudes conferred briefly, after which Hard-Hat Mack announced that the strike team will be comprised of individual attack units.

"Right now, we've got Q-Bert and Hard-Hat Mack teamed up as the 'Classic Gaming Crew.' Then we've got Donkey Kong and the Bad Dudes making up the surgical strike force 'The Donkey Dudes.' Sonic and Mario are sharing their resources, exchanging super-speed shoes for fire-flowers and vice versa. We call them the 'Super Sonic Bros.' Finally, Crash and Pac-Man have teamed up to form the 'Pokémon Crash Pac,' which will be used as our bezerker force. Pac-Man's hepped up on power-pucks as we speak."

A spokesperson for the Pokémon, Pikachu, explained the Pokéman's stance on these new developments: "Pikachu!"

RN - All Content © 2000.