Mary-Jane's Breasts Grow An Additional 17%

Following a trend that has enveloped the comic book world, Mary Jane Watson-Parker's breasts grew an additional 17% yesterday.

Mary Jane has undergone her share of "cosmetic enhancements" over the years, not all of them voluntary. Since her introduction in 1966, Mary Jane has weathered 15 different breast enlargements by a variety of comic book artists.

Sources blame the overall "loneliness" of comic book artists for the changes. Described as "desperate nerds," it is believed that most artists draw exaggerated women as a substitute for real-life female interaction.

Mary Jane was not as pleased as was hoped for with her new breasts. Upon discovering the change, her first remark was "What the hell is this?" followed by a sigh, and the tired words "Dammit, not again."

"It's like they have nothing better to do." she remarked in an exclusive MADHOUSE interview. "Look at me! I couldn't even walk in real life - I'd need a shopping cart just to get around!" she explained. "What are they thinking? These," she remarked, gesturing to her chest, "aren't even attractive! Who wants these? I sure don't! Nobody does!"

Peter Parker refused to comment.

Mary Jane, however, is not alone with her changes. Similar developments have recently beset The X-Men's Rogue, Psylocke, and Professor X. All were displeased, but Professor X was especially annoyed. "I'm not even female!" he shouted, exasperated. "Who the hell is responsible for this?"

It appears that there is little hope for a reversal in the near future. Comic book analyst Martha Rand explained that, "People like big ta-ta's - especially lonely and desperate men."

Angry feminists were predictably offended with the change. "As a lesbian, I can appreciate Mary Jane's remarkable new chest. However, I don't agree with the patriarchal objectification of any womyn's body." Chris Gondar remarked.

MADHOUSE will keep you abreast of any further titillating developments.

RN - All Content 2000.