Mr. T Opens Mexican Restaurant

Mr. T, star of T.V.'s the A-Team, has used his remaining savings to open up a Mexican restaurant. The restaurant will go by the name of T-Bell. The first location will open up in Sunnydale, California, sometime this fall.

If you're worried about this being a typical fast-food restaurant, don't be. It will be served with a Mr. T flair. For example, the bur-T-to is a 10 pound man's burrito, and is an extremely affordable 49 cents. How can T-Bell afford prices so low? The answer is that the ingredients will be of a slightly "lesser" quality. Let's put it this way, this is the stuff that Arby's rejected. You have to be a real man to hold these babies down. The faj-T-ta weighs in at a measly 3 pounds and Mr. T says he put in because he needed something that the ladies could finish.

The combos at T-Bell are all supersized. The drinks weigh in at a whopping 12-litres each, and the straws have a diameter of 10 inches. Don't even bother asking for anything less, as the cashiers have been instructed to "throw your ass" at the slightest mention of downsizing. And don't even think about asking Mr. T to help you lift the combo back to your car, or you'll be greeted with stinging replies such as, "Bring it back yo' self, you crazy foo! Don't make me throw yo ass sucka!"

The T-Bell is not for sissy boys. You've got to be helluva tough to eat at the T-Bell. Mr. T has vowed to discipline anyone who is seen attempting to share their meals. If you've got a problem finishing it, then Mr. T will assist your digestive process. "If I see any foos sitting around sharing their food, then I'm gonna just walk over and jam it down their throats. I'm not gonna give yah any warnings," vows Mr. T.

T-Bell will be having a promotion, where you collect T-kens off of your T-Bell cups, and have a chance of winning all sorts of great prizes. Some prizes include leaving the restaurant unbeaten, and the privilege to cut to the front of the washroom line. The grand prize is the opportunity to touch Mr. T's gold chains. MADHOUSE asked T if he'd consider giving some of his chains away, to which he responded, "If you try to leave with my damned chains, then you'll be leaving without your arm. If you're lucky, after I've thrown your ass you might land somewhere in the vicinity of your house. Now you gonna quit this jibba jabba and order, foo'?"

The MADHOUSE will be there for the grand opening of the T-Bell, and we strongly recommend that you're there as well. Better start working out, so that you're physically ready to take the T-Bell challenge.

ED - All Content 2000.