Unsolved Mysteries Runs Out Of Mysteries

Unsolved Mysteries is going to soon undergo massive changes. Producers cite to reason for the changes as being a complete lack of mysteries left to examine. After covering Bigfoot, the Loch Ness monster, U.F.O. abductions, Kathy Lee Gifford, Gonzo, ghost stories, and various other paranormal phenomena, the well has finally run dry. The show will now be entirely devoted to solving really difficult crossword puzzles and word jumbles.

"I think people are really going to enjoy the new direction that this show is going to be taking," stated Frederick Johnston, a producer on Unsolved Mysteries. "These aren't typical crossword puzzles and word jumbles, like you'd find in a typical newspaper. These babies are really hard. I mean really, really hard. You're not likely to solve them during the duration of your breakfast, lunch, or dinner hour, or even those three combined. That's how tough they are. You could even say that their solutions are..um...mysteries. Our show will also encourage audience participation by giving out cash prizes to people who are the fastest to come up with the solutions to the puzzles."

Robert Stack didn't seem to be taking the changes as well as the producers. "I can't believe this is happening!!" sobbed Robert Stack. "Now that I look back at things, I guess the signs were all there. They changed our eerie theme music into some techno garbage, and they gave me a co-host. I mean, what was up with that? I'm Robert Stack, and I work alone. But now, crossword puzzles and word jumbles?!?! That's lunacy!" .

ED - All Content 2000.