How To Be The Life Of Any Party

By Eric, The Big "E"

Are you a really big loser? When you go to parties do people throw empty beer bottles at your head? Well, that won't happen any more, because now you can be the life of any party. How can you, the big loser that you are, be the life of the party? The answer is that you can incorporate words which have been scientifically proven to be humourous into any conversation. The following graph demonstrates the humour value of various words.

Humour Meter

From this graph it is obvious that words that are slightly profane, or have sexual connotations are extremely humourous, while words that are much more serious don't have much humour. Just incorporate these humourous words into phrases, and be amazed at how many hot, horny babes come flocking around you. Here are some examples of phrases to you can use to become Mr. Party.

Phrase 1: I'm surprised Steve's at this party because we all know that he's a really big Butt Licker! Oh, sorry Steve that's got to hurt, but not as much as when your mom smacked my face with her Boobies last night!

Boy, is Steve ever going to be stinging after that one. Not only have you expressed the fact that he's a butt licker, but you've also expressed your opinion that his mom's a loose women. Of course, if you don't know any Steves at the party that you hold a grudge against, then just substitute in someone else's name.

Phrase 2: You guys know what would make this party even better? Pornography! Come on, you guys have got to have some Pornography around here, cause a party just ain't a real party without it.

By mentioning Pornography you assert the fact that you enjoy watching people engage in sexual activity. This in turn decreases the inhibitions of the women at the party, because they know that someone is present who's supportive of nudity, and increases the chances that they'll get their freak-on a hundred fold. Besides, everyone likes pornography. Am I right folks?!? Can I get a witness?

Phrase 3: Awww, come on here! Some Mofo ate all the Pringles!! Somebody better get some more in here before I have to Lay The Smack Down!!

The fact that you're threatening to lay the smack down indicates the fact that you're a take charge kind of guy, one that doesn't take crap from anyone. Incorporating mofo into the phrase indicates that you have extensive connections in da hood, and gives credence to the fact that you can, at a moments notice, lay the smack down.

Phrase 4: We should try to solve World Hunger.

As you can see, there is nothing funny in that phrase. Try to avoid it, if possible.

I hope you make good use of these words, and use your newfound power wisely. Be sure to write and tell us of your experiences with these humourous words.

ED - All Content 2000.