You Pinko Mofo

Yeah… I'm talkin' to you there, sitting in your fancy coffee shop. Sure you talk a big spiel about equality of result but if you ever achieve it, don't think you'll still be sucking back those seven dollar a cup french-roasted aromatic jungle blend cappuccinos of yours.

See, the one thing you commies are forgetting is that you won't get anywhere sitting on your duffs. So if you want things to happen get off your collective asses and go seize the means of production, and be sure to spill some capitalist blood while you're at it!

You're probably thinking to yourself "that bourgeois bastard doesn't know what he's talking about". You may be right, but at least I knew you'd be thinking that, you idealistic hippies! Ha, me: 1, commies: 0

Although maybe I am wrong, maybe our fine nation should become a communist utopia like the former Soviet Union, East Germany, China or Cuba. Yes, I must have been mistaken… that is the ideal solution! We can all drink our teas and cappuccinos (iced or otherwise) out of huge freakin' mugs, and sing happy communist songs all day long. We could even drive ourselves to bankruptcy in a massive arms race, using stolen secrets from our more advanced adversaries. A good time will be had by all, guaranteed.

Far be it from me to oppose such a glorious future, especially if it would mean winding up in a frozen gulag deep in the northern tundra. I welcome you, new regime!

PW - All Content © 2000.