Pop Music Revealed as "Repetitive"

Studies untaken at the National Institute For Cultural Studies have revealed that the majority of so called "popular" music is extremely repetitive, Dr. Golding announced yesterday.

"Most of what you'll find playing on the radio is essentially around 30 seconds of original music repeated enough times to fill the length of a song." he said. "We are quite pleased with this finding. It confirms what many of us here have long suspected."

Dr. Golding, a noted cultural scientist, has long been admired for his work in cultural studies. He was one of the first to notice the correlation between country music and low brain activity levels.

Citing a "massive" song database, Dr. Golding explained that "...by listening to the music, and keeping an ear open to what we'd heard before, we quickly realized that most of what we'd heard wasn't just familiar, it was exactly the same."

When asked for an example, Dr. Golding said "Well, one of the more easily recognizable ones is that of the song 'Closing Time.' How many times does the singer repeat the phrase "closing time" in that song? 20? 50? Our scientists quickly lost count. But when we took out every instance of the phrase, the song was reduced to 30 seconds, most of which consisted of a guitar riff." he explained.

"Another example is the song 'Last Kiss' - the Pearl Jam version. That song was bad enough 30 years ago, but Pearl Jam took it and 'filled it out' by about a minute or so. The end result is the phrase "So I got to be good/So I can see my baby/When I leave this world" repeated some 36 times. Our scientists were shocked. They thought that it was only repeated 20 times, max."

Explaining the genesis of the study, Dr. Golding said "Well, we were all familiar with the 'chorus' theory of music, the old 'Verse A - Verse B - Chorus - Verse C - Verse D - Chorus - Chorus' paradigm. And it began to occur to us that, well, it couldn't account for everything we were hearing. I mean, the theory is all well and good for some older songs, but today's music just didn't fit. That's when the repetitiveness idea came to us. Suddenly, everything fit together perfectly."

Others at the National Institute For Cultural Studies agreed. "I'm so glad our theory turned out to be correct. I couldn't bear the thought that listening to all that awful music was for nothing." technician Garry Donovan said.

"Personally, I think it goes way back." another scientist noted. "When you think of Ace Of Base's work, or even ABBA's, you can see what I mean. 'I Saw The Sign' must have those words repeated 40 times - each - throughout the course of the song. And that's assuming - God permitting - that you only hear the song once."

When questioned about the issue of creativity, Dr. Golding said "Oh, I can't comment on that. The music industry is mad enough that we chose to reveal our findings, and I don't want to end up like the inventors of the Rio did. I don't need that kind of dismemberment. Let me just say that today's music artists are the biggest rip-off artists in the world. When you buy a CD for $20.00, you're paying for what is essentially three, maybe four minutes of original music. The rest is repeated. Repeated!"

RN - All Content 2000.