The Shredder Actually Dines On
Turtle Soup

BY APRIL ONEIL
IN MANHATTON, NY.

Fulfilling the claim he's been making over the past 10 years, the Shredder actually dined on turtle soup yesterday.

It had always been the Shredder's dream to destroy the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles since their ooze-based inception many years ago. In their many encounters, the Shredder would typically boast that "Tonight I dine on Turtle soup!" Unfortunately, the logistics of the fight usually dictated that the Ninja Turtles would kick his butt decidedly.

However, in a surprise turn of events, the Shredder showed up at The Asian Eatery, a local area restaurant catering to the Asian population, and ordered a bowl of their turtle soup.

"It was around 7:00 in the evening, and as I was walking by the restaurant, I thought 'What the hell? I'll eat out tonight.' You can imagine my surprise when I saw 'Turtle Soup' on the menu." he explains. When the dish arrived, "I was so excited. I mean, here's my big chance to finally find out what turtles taste like!"

Excitement, however, quickly turned to bitter disappointment when the Shredder discovered that he, in his own words, "...didn't much care for the taste. It was kinda salty, you know? But not a good salty. A bad salty."

When asked if he would now rule out other turtle-based foods, he said, "Oh, no, not at all. Actually, I've made a reservation for next Friday night. They've got Turtle Quiche! I can hardly wait!"

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were unavailable for comment. However, they were recently seen dumping some soapy water on the Shredder, quipping "This should clean up your act! TURTLE POWER!"

We wish the Shredder the best of luck with his culinary adventures.

RN - All Content 2000.