Skid Row, Man!

By Tony

Yo, I have just about had enough with all these skids that I seen walking around! What the fuck are they thinking? This is a message to all you poor ass skids that think you can walk on Tony's planet. What, you don't think this is my world? Are you fuckin' out of your mind? Check the map, asshole! The country's got Tony written on it, right there, next to Alberta. See, Edmonton was gonna be called Edmontony but I told them they could keep it without the y. What? I'm totally not bullshitting you.

So yesterday, I was just minding my business, putting some gas in my car, and this guy pulls up behind me in this AMC Gremlin. It was all lemon yellow, with brown stripes. Brown stripes? Is he a retard? Yo, betta put him in the special class. Everyone knows green stripes go on yellow cars. Thing looked like a total piece of shit. I couldn't find a fuckin' handle to flush it. It had this muffller hanging on the ground, and sparks were flying everywhere. Then this guy pops out of his car in his Value Village clothings. Who the fuck wears a Tim Horton's uniform around? Man, this dude was pure, unadulterated skid! He's gonna start some kinda skid cult. I don't know why they even let this guy get gas at my gas station. Didn't he see the "No Skids Allowed" sign on the back? There should at least be a row called "Skid Servicing", where they can gas up their cars and not be anywhere near me.

Another time, I was watching wrestling at this bar near my house, and it was Chris Jericho fighting Chyna. I was all into it, cause I thought it was about time Chyna had a shot at the Intercontinental belt. I got so into it then I accidentally smacked over this guy's beer. So this guy's like, "Calm down, you moron! Don't you know it's rigged?" Where did this guy get off talking to me like that. He was a real joke, a total J. Why would I bet a whole 10 dollars on something that's rigged? That's like 3 hours worth of hand jobs! Didn't this dude know not to mess with the Tone-ster? I mean, I've been working out like a whole 20 minutes a day with my mom's weight set, and my pipes are getting totally huge. I'm lifting like 10 pounds now. Youse better call a plumber cause these babies are gonna burst. Look at this thing! I can't even fit a tape measurer around it! It's so freakin' massive!! I threatened to bust a tombstone piledriver on his ass, and he just started laughing at me and told his friends what I said.

The worst skid I've seen was when I was at graduation. I was sitting there, pointing out all the skids when they got their diplomas. I gotta make sure everyone's clear who's a skid, and who's not. The skids gotta know where they stand. This one guy comes up in his robe, and he's got his socks hiked up to his knees. Yo, you look up skid in the dictionary, you ain't gonna find tire tracks. You gonna find this dude's face, know what I'm saying? And when this other guy went up to get his diploma, they said he was gonna go get his diploma for air conditioner repair at Algonquin College. I laughed so hard, I almost shit my pants!! I mean, this guy thinks he can make it in air conditioner repair? Think again! I'm goin' into that course. Jokes need not apply.

To all you skids and jokes out there, stay in your houses! If I see any of you walking around here, I will kick your ass, capiche?

ED - All Content 2000.