Aspiring Soccer Player Chooses "Purple Stuff" Over Sunny D

If you open your fridge, and are confronted with a choice between drinking the juice left over in the pickle jar, year-old Pepsi, and Sunny D, which are you going to choose? Sunny D, right? Right? People turn to Sunny D when they need to wet their whistles. Well, that's not the choice made be Tim Sweeny, of Jacksonville, Florida. The moment that no one thought would ever come, came. Tim chose to drink purple stuff instead of Sunny D.

Tim had just arrived home after a strenuous game of soccer. Feeling physically exhausted and parched, he was ecstatic when his mom mentioned that she had gone grocery shopping, and that there was a little something for him in the fridge. He burst into the kitchen, overcome with excitement, his eyes focussed on the fridge.

That's when the unexpected took place. Tim stood there, basking in the light of the fridge, accessing the choices for something to quench his thirst. He saw O.J., purple stuff, and Sunny D laid out before his eyes. He hurled the Sunny D out of the way, and guzzled the purple stuff with reckless abandon.

Tim's mom, Kathy, seemed outraged at his actions. "I went to the trouble of picking up a pitcher of Sunny D, even though it's more expensive than orange juice, but looks exactly the same," sobbed Kathy. "I don't know how he's going to get the vitamins that Sunny D would have provided him with. Certainly not from the purple stuff, or consuming fruits and vegetables. He'll probably keel over from osteoporosis!

"I thought that I could be cool, like the mom in the [Sunny D] commercial. You know, have Tim come home with all his friends and have them tell me how cool am I. How I'm the hippest mom on the planet. I need to hear that once in a while. But instead, I get no thanks! No approval! No respect!!! Wah hahhh hoooooo! Where's my pills?"

Shortly after Kathy suffered a mental breakdown, we escaped from the scene.

Tim strongly defended his choice, "So what? I didn't drink the Sunny D. Have you ever actually read the ingredients? What the hell is guam gum? I'm pretty sure I don't want that crap floating around in my beverages. And what is cottonseed oil? I want to have a drink, not make an order of fries! Sunny D also has the consistency of cough syrup. Besides, the 'purple stuff' was Kool-Aid. I happen to like Kool-Aid, alright? I've almost got enough Kool-Aid points for the hat. The one with the Kool-Aid guy bursting through the wall. Oh man, that hat is going to be so sweet!!"

Sunny D president, Frank Murphy, seemed distressed over this situation, "I can't believe someone passed up the smooth, satisfying flavour of Sunny D. How can this happen? I thought with all the addictive chemicals that we put in there, and all the free samples we give out, that everyone would be hooked by now. Uh...maybe I shouldn't have said that. Gotta go!"

ED - All Content 2000.