World Still Feigning Polite Interest In
US Presidential Proceedings

The world community continued its policy of feigning polite interest in the development of the US Presidential race last week. Despite what has been touted to be a bitter rivalry between the two candidates and their parties, it seems that nobody but those outside of the United States can recognize the utter futility of the affair in a two-party system with two identical parties.

Russia issued an official statement of muted interest Thursday, which read "Re: American Presidential Race: Oh, is that so? Really! Do tell.". This follows closely on the European Union's announcement that they "...really are interested in what was going on, but are really quite busy at the moment and would have to chat some other time."

Linguists have interpreted these statements as a polite way of hinting disinterest. The United States seem unable to take the hint, however, and continue their fanatical obsession with the proceedings.

"It's times like this I wish the States didn't control the media." said Suzan Young, a Canadian. "We pay a terrible price for Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, God knows."

Perhaps the hardest hit are those in Canada. Feeling a sense of friendly obligation, many newsmagazines and newspapers have been slipping information about the race into their editions. Usually prefaced as a public service, the articles go largely unread by all but the most self-hating of readers. Nevertheless, the coverage in the nation is higher than any other non-US country, a fact which has some cringing.

"I wish the U.S. would go ahead and elect one of them. It's not like it makes a difference." said Canadian Ugu Faringo. "It's not like in Canada, where you have at least one evil candidate that people can look to as a contrast and a foil. In the States, they're both evil. What can you do, vote for evil?"

Faringo is of course referencing many past evil PM hopefuls, such as Joe Clark and Kim Campbell, both of which actually attained the post of Prime Minister of Canada. It has been speculated that most of the votes for these individuals were cast in a sarcastic manner, but little proof has surfaced to support this widely-accepted claim, besides grainy security camera footage of voting booths from which hushed snickers can be heard.

RN - All Content 2000.