Something Other Than Television
and Video Games Blamed For Violence

In a move which took most people by surprise, something other than violence on television and in video games was blamed for violence amoung young people yesterday.

Darryl Roberts, of Ottawa, Ontario, described the situation. "Well, it was kinda odd, you know? I was watching some American news and there was this lady calling herself a "psychologist" despite the fact she obviously had no idea what she was talking about - anyway, she was talking about some recent violence amoung young people and was blaming it on the fact that there was violence on television and in video games."

MADHOUSE asked him to describe what happened next.

"Well, I thought that maybe I would employ my critical faculties, you know? Wow! I can't imagine why I never thought to do that before! Anyway, it became obvious after only a few scant seconds of thought that maybe something other than television and games were to blame. I mean, it's all well and good to blame it on entertainment until you realise that that's a bunch of crap. What kind of person could honestly believe that by watching giant robots smash each other with futuristic weapons, you too would be twisted to new heights of violence?

"So I decided to do a little test... I myself played video games for five hours straight. I played Tekken 3, a fighting game, Mechwarrior 3, a giant robot game, Quake 2, a shooting game, and Q*Bert. After the five hours, my eyes felt a little buggy, and my fingers hurt, but I didn't feel any more violent - although I did feel a little pissed of at the programmers of Q*Bert. Those stupid stupid springs."

We asked him what he thought was responsible for the violence.

"Oooh, that's a tough one... Hmmm.. let me think... could it be a video game or a troubled young mind... I wonder... Naw, forget what I said. It's definitely Q*Bert that's responsible... lousy red blobs. Wow, what was I thinking?"

RN - All Content 2000.