Pirates Of Pestulon No Longer A Threat


Reporting by Intergalactic Bartender Klaax Moord.

The galaxy breathed a collective sigh of relief yesterday as Roger Wilco, space janitor extraordinaire, brought the dreaded Pirates of Pestulon to justice and freed the Two Guys From Andromeda from their gelatonous prison.

Roger Wilco had previously been known across the universe for foiling Sludge Vohol's evil plans on two seperate occasions. Never one to rest on his laurals, Roger took it upon himself to save the Two Guys when he learned of their imprisonment at the Pirates' hands.

"It was tough going there for a while," Roger explained. "I first had to find my way off the garbage scow I was trapped on. Luckily, I managed to repair the Aluminum Mallard, mostly thanks to the help of the ladder I managed to jam into my pocket. Ouch!"

It was when Roger escaped the scow that he learned of the Two Guy's plight. "They coded a secret message into Astro Chicken, but I figured it out! Although, I should admit that not all of my adventure was quite so easy. For instance, there were times when I found that I couldn't quite distinguish what I was looking at. Man, sometimes I wish the universe had more than 16 distinct colours."

When asked if he faced any dangers in rescuing the Two Guys, Roger replied that, "...oh, yeah, sure! I mean, besides Arnoid the Annilihator, it seemed that I had a chance to get myself killed in every single situation I found myself in. Also, there were times where I found that I knew what I had to do, but for some bizarre reason, I couldn't properly express the idea to myself. I'd be sitting there, thinking "Use pole to jump chasm," but nothing would happen. Then I'd try "Jump pit with pole," but still, I'd just stand there like an idiot. But, finally, I'd usually hit on the right syntax to get myself moving.

Looking to the future, Roger remarked, "I sure hope I have more adventures. I mean, this is only my third, and I'd sure like to travel back to my first 'space quest.' I can only hope that I somehow gain access to a time machine in the near future."

We all look forward to whatever zany adventures Roger has in his future space-bound quests.

RN - All Content 2000.