Local Man "Disappointed" With Last
Night's Xena Episode

Harvey Portman, an area man who describes himself as a "pretty regular viewer" of television's Xena, Warrior Princess programme, has expressed his disappointment over last night's episode. Apparently, an unusual lack of lesbianism in the episode has lead to his sudden disenchantment.

In the episode, Xena was forced to defend a village against attacking hordes of King Arthur's knights. "The botched up history wasn't what bothered me. I understand that in the show Xena's been responsible for every major historical event before 1960. That never bothered me. What did bother me was the fact that Xena and Gabrielle never even came close to almost kissing."

"I was - at first - shocked. I just sat there after the episode finished, waiting... I just couldn't believe that there wasn't one single scene in which it was hinted that Xena and Gabrielle were lesbians," Portman explained. "I mean, it was always there... except for last night."

Portman cited previous examples of the lesbian hinting in Xena, Warrior Princess. "Well, there was that one episode where Xena was transported into a guy's body, and they [Xena and Gabrielle] kissed then, only you could see up to the moment where they kissed that it was actually Xena and not some other guy... and then there was that other time where they pretended that they were "thespians", only they always used the word in a lesbian context, so they'd say things like "You've made me realize something that I guess I always knew, something I was just afraid to admit... I'm... I'm a thespian!

"And who could forget the many times where they took a bath together, where they slept in the same bed... I mean, that's what I watch the show for!"

Portman explained that, "...I really like the lesbianism. It's kind of a giddy thrill, you know? But last night there wasn't one single scene for me to get all excited over."

The producers, reached for comment, explained that "...last night's episode was made to prove a point: that there is more to the show than just lesbianism. We put a lot of work into the plot, characters, and special effects, and it's time people noticed that, and not just how Xena always hugs Gabrielle so that her face is pressed into her bountiful chest."

Portman retorted that "...If I wanted plot I'd watch some Babylon 5. What I want is suggestions of lesbianism and female/female sexuality. Where else can I get that in prime time television? Star Trek? Not likely. Buffy? I wish! Oh Lord, how I wish. But Xena's all I got!"

RN - All Content 2000.