MADHOUSE Insults Humor.Com


This week's e-mail is mostly about the art of insult. I know, it's basic, but it's also funny.

Some of you may be familiar with Humor.Com, which just happens to be the most un-funny site on the entire internet. What earned our wrath, however, was the fact that the management of Humor.Com went and registered domain names that they didn't need, most notably MADHOUSE.COM. The whole MADHOUSE team got in on the act and put this guy in his place...


The e-mails:

Dear Webmaster,

Your site is so lame. It's not funny; it's not humourous, and humour isn't even spelt the correct Canadian way. Man oh man, are you ever retarded. Did you even consult a dictionary before registering your domain name? Cause it seems to me like I ought to kick your ass.

You even take domain names you don't need, like madhouse.com and insult.com. If that's not the most pathetic thing I've ever seen, then maybe I should look at your site some more. You are so mind-bogglingly dumb that it hurts to think about it. Perhaps you should end your meaningless life.

I mean, who really cares about your disturbingly UNfunny site? It's a complete waste of space and time, and by the way you suck too. It's not just limited to your site.

Not only do I find your site unfunny, it actually cancels out humour from other areas, leaving a laughter deficit in any room in which it is displayed. You could show your site to a bunch of hyenas and they would immediately stop laughing and hopefully vomit all over your face. That would save me the trouble.

In conclusion, I regret your decision of ever putting up humour.com. And before that, I regret your parent's decision to procreate. Why won't you just go away?

You're such a lamewad crapass mofo.

Very very sincerely, Captain A.F.D.

ps. write back bitch, if you can stand it.


He didn't write back, so we did.

Dear retard,

You did not respond to my last letter. I can only assume you were unable to operate the keyboard what with your webpage and all crapping it up. You should probably take down the page and put up a new one which says "HUMOR.COM REALLY BLOWS", then go to confession to purge your soul from the sin of your really god awful web page. I mean, what are you thinking? That people like really inane and incredibly uninspired humour? Cause they don't! In fact, in an informal poll of my peers, not only do they dislike your site, they also expressed hatred for YOU! Can you believe it? They *really* hate you. So do I, come to think of it. You bastard.

Oh yeah, and you stole MADHOUSE.COM from everyone else... like you need more domain names pointing to your incredibly dumb site. You should tell your parents that they should have never concieved you. Also, kindly remove yourself from the gene pool. This will, hopefully, stop further instances of such awful humour like that which is regularly displayed on humor.com

Very very sincerely,

CW


Again, he refused to respond. He deserved what came to him. This time, Eric, the "Big E", got in on the act. (Previous emails were from "Rapmaster R.")

I find it quite surprising that you guys chose the url humor.com. I guess boring.com and thesuckiestwebsiteontheplanet.com were already taken. Well, I guess those are the breaks. One break I'd like to see, however, is you falling off of a fast moving vehicle, and snapping your leg like a chicken bone. Now that's humour!! It'd be even wackier if you added some witty, America's Funniest Home Videos, style commentary to it, for example, "Duh! I wonder if I can jump from this here train! *SNAP* Uh oh, I guess not!"

Here's my impressions of your site as I go through it:
1. "Wow! Link-O-Rama! This place might be good for a laugh. Hmm...what's this...DumbMoney. Well, why not? This cartoon sucks royal. I've seen blind people draw better than this. Why the hell are the people walking by a nuclear explosion. Oh, I get it! It's supposed to be a tree. Nice try!! Does one of the creatures have a fly permanently hovering above their head? They might try bathing once in a while, because they must smell like crap."

2. "Well, that place sucked. Maybe I'll try the weird news now. I bet they have some wacky news for me. Oh wait, it's just crappy and monotonous stories. Oh, a woman got stress from having more responsibility. What a scoop! That doesn't happen much. A weird news story would be if this site got more than 12 hits."


Realizing a good thing when he saw it, Pat PJ McPats also sent the final insult-o-rama. Sadly, our subject has yet to respond. We can only assume he took our advice and ended his life.

On the subject of your great webpage: It doesn't exist... Instead there is only the endless pit of despair known as humor.com. Frankly, I don't think you realize the definition of humor... Possibly you are some kind of foreigner, who is new to the english language, but humor is typically something which elicits laughter.

Well... perhaps your site does elicit laughter, but it is only the mocking laughter of children and their parents alike. If that was your aim, then you have given a few fleeting moments of entertainment to everyone who has visited your site, but it grows tiresome... I urge you, take down your site and give the name "humor.com" to someone who is deserving of such a title.

While you're at it, take down all of the other parked domains you use to generate enough one-time visitors to somehow draw in any sponsorhip. I'm assuming that these sponsors are only giving you money for one of the following three reasons:

1- They have never actually visited your site, and only looked at the hit-count...

2- They were born without the part of the brain that gives one a sense of humour, and hence are unable to comprehend just how unfunny your site is. (They might also be some form of robotic entity which was not programmed to know laughter.)

3- They were engulfed with such an overwhelming sense of pity that their consciences would not allow them to let your children go unfed.

Perhaps it's time you went on to new, and better pursuits... with the presidential race getting fired up I'm sure Al Gore could use a new speech writer, and I'm sure your dull styling would fit right into his campaign.

-Pat

ED, PW, RN - All Content 2000.