Top 10 Ways To Make Big Money

By Eric, the Big "E"

10. Buy hundreds of lottery tickets, thus increasing your odds dramatically. Because, let's face it, 138 in 13,458,794 is much better than 1 in 13,458,794 .

9. Use your money to pay for tuition at DeVry, so that you can get the skills that employers demand, and some real life work experience. Ha ha ha...uh...sorry. I didn't mean to bash DeVry. Ahh, who am I kidding? Ha ha ha - Devry!

8. Start an e-commerce company that doesn't actually do anything, and give it some catchy name, like e-Lectronicomicon, or e-Technocracy. When people starting buying your worthless stocks, sell your shares and get the hell out of the country.

7. Sell your stuff to morons on eBay who fall for phrases like "Totally Awesome!", or "Once In a Lifetime Deal!!", or, my personal favourite, "Incredibly Superb!" The more exclamation marks, the better!!!!!!!!!

6. Find an incredibly stupid billionaire and bet that you can get him to gamble. If you don't understand this, then you've probably already lost a shitload of money.

5. Fill up some tanks with ordinary tap water, then add some soya sauce and 7-Up. Now, go around the neighbourhood with a Pringles canister down your pants, claiming that you're selling, "Professor Peabody's Incredible Schlong Growth Formula."

4. Marry an attractive woman and go to Vegas to gamble compulsively. Some millionaire will offer you big bucks to spend some time with your wife. I don't know if you'll get her back, because I forget the end of the movie.

3. Write a japanese anime movie. What? You can't write? Then just come up with some script that involves buxom naked teenage girls and giant robots. Perhaps buxom naked teenage girls piloting giant robots against an invading alien army, or even other giant robots with buxom named girls inside.

2. Find an old millionaire, who is married, and tell him that you saw him with that woman last night. Old millionaires aren't usually faithful, and he'll probably bribe you to keep your mouth shut.

1. Send me money. I'm not sure how this will make you any richer, but it will sure as hell make me happier, and what's wrong with that?

Note: Eric would also be happy to accept donations of meaningless sex en lieu of cash donations.

ED - All Content 2000.