The Top 10 Ways To Scare Strangers

10. Make uncomfortable eye contact with them, then lick your lips seductively. If necessary, beckon to them with your finger.

9. Say, "Don't I know you?" and give them a big hug. When they insist that you are, in fact, a complete stranger, repeat the process.

8. Ask them to repeat everything they say, and make sure you mangle their sentences in your vain attempts to understand. Should they say "Can't you understand?!?" you should respond, "What? You want to feel a man? Well, I don't see why not!" and proceed as the situation dictates.

7. Ask if you could nibble on their ear, "just for a second." Should you actually be allowed the favor, well, you're on your own.

6. Casually slip your hands into their pockets.

5. Insert lyrics of songs into your speech, but insist they are your own constructions. Make the lyrics more and more obvious as the conversation progresses.

4. Ask them if it's hot in here, or if it's just increased vibrations on the molecular level.

3. Make it very obvious that you passed gas, and then say "Aww, geez! Did you really have to?" This works especially well if you are the only two in an elevator.

2. Discuss strategy games with them, no matter how hard they try to sound disinterested. However, should they actually be interested in the game you're discussing, gradually begin discussing portions of the game that don't actually exist.

1. Insert mentions of hard-core pornography into your speech at the slightest provocation. Also, pretend to become aroused at common objects, like street signs and buses. Make your arousal painfully obvious.

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