Honestly, could He-man possibly be any more gay? His clothing consists of a shitty leather X and a jock strap. There are probably studded-leather bondage freaks telling He-man to get some goddamn self-respect.
Oh yeah, don't forget to click here for the always awesome He-man theme.
Note the expression on He-man's face. It seems to indicate that he smells something... quite possibly the cocks for which he has an insatiable lust.
Welcome to Skeletor's recipe corner. Todays recipe: Kool-aid popcorn!
2 c Sugar
1 c Light corn syrup
2/3 c Margarine
2 pk Koolaid
1 ts Soda
Boil the sugar, syrup and margarine together for 3 minutes. Stir in soda and Koolaid. Pour over 6 quarts of popcorn. Bake at 225 F for 45 minutes, stirring every 10 minutes. Remove from the oven and break up immediately.
Now Lance® was the man... he had a convertible with a horn that played "la coocaracha". I remember the episode where Lance's® car was stolen, and they used a remote control horn to track it down. That episode ruled ass. Man, I bet Lance® was fighting off the chicks.
This episode here was the pinnacle of 80's. The only way this episode was getting any better is if Annie and her friend started making out right here. Now that would've made for a treasured childhood memory.
The perceptive among you might have noticed that the same girl was in both of those pictures. The truly perceptive, however, would've also noted that this girl is Jennifer "Pilot" Chase from motherfucking Captain Power and the Soldiers of The Future. Damn, I'm starting to get tingly all over.
Did anybody else notice the disclaimer at the end of the transformers movie? "Any similarities to persons or events real or fictional are strictly coincidental."
Convicts with 300 pound cellmates named Bubba cover their asses less than that. What kind of person or event could this movie have mirrored? The time Hitler sent his omnipotent battle planet to destroy Stalin's army of fucking robot-cars?
Even worse is that someone spent 200 bucks an hour hiring some asshole lawyer, and that was his advice? Put a disclaimer at the end? Does that even work?
Maybe I should just bootleg Titanic. I can rename it Iceberg2000 and throw in a disclaimer "Any resemblance to any other movie is purely coincidental", I'd make mint.
Click here for the Transformers theme.
He-man was one of the earliest shows I remember, and probably one of the most fucked up.
First, the whole show was actually designed around a series of toys. Toys for which the slick ad execs apparently couldn't come up with a name less shitty than He-man. Of course, that was probably because the name "Greased Anus" was already taken... in fact that action figure was identical to the He-man figure, except it came with a bottle of olive oil and a wet nap.
Here we see He-man in his "normal" garb. This isn't exactly helping his cause any. He probably just got back from hanging around outside the window at electric circus, that would explain why his shirt is ten sizes too small. From the looks of it, he might have actually just painted his body white. At least he lost the Red Baron symbol from before, breaking his ties with the Kaiser.
Ahhh, Danger Bay. The best part of this show was the theme song. For an era of Tiffany, Corey Hart and Bananarama, that was one ass-kicking tune.
The show itself was pretty damn predictable... Ooooh, maybe marine biologists will save the fragile ocean ecosystem from deadly pollution again this week. It was either that, or an episode where Jonah learns an important lesson about responsibility. Damn, that guy was always fucking things up... And for such a sissy kid, he sure had a way of getting mixed up with bad-ass biker gangs.
Next up is probably the best thing Canada has ever produced. That's right, those losers, the Edison Twins.
In this picture we can see that Tom looks pretty sad. Probably because he's just come to the shocking realization that he's never going to get laid with that goddamn haircut. I don't care how fucking awesome your jeep is, and it doesn't matter if you're friends with Lance®, it's just not going to happen.
Believe it or not, Annie and her friend, shown here, were probably the hottest pieces of ass in the Mid 80's.
Look back at every goddamn magazine from the 80's, and every woman was wearing an oversized plaid shirt and a giant fucking hat. Even in porno the women wore bulky sweaters and had hair big enough to conceal woodland creatures.
I think we all know what kids love: giant transforming robots and flying cars.
Mask had to be every kids wet dream... cars that fucking fly. Everything about this show was damn cool at the time. What can I say... I'm still a sucker for flying cars, even with a theme song this shitty. Ma-ma-ma-mask!
Now, the transformers were "the bomb" in 1986. Remember the first time you ever saw that show? I think my sentiments were in the vicinity of "Holy Shit! Giant motherfucking robots! And they turn into cars? Who the fuck do I have to kill to get the toys?"
Of course in my youthful stupidity I didn't have the vocabulary to express that, so I probably just pissed my shorts instead.
The movie was even more amazing than the show. I was in awe when I discovered Robert Stack was in that movie. It also had Orson Welles as a giant battle planet. I admit that's not much of a stretch, but Robert Stack? Holy shit!